I. Wait, I'm eating what? -- Why is there bacterial slime in my ice cream? The invention of UPF -- I'd rather have five bowls of Coco Pops : the discovery of UPF -- Sure, 'ultra-processed food' sounds bad, but is it really a problem? -- (I can't believe it's not) coal butter : the ultimate UPF -- II. But can't I just control what I eat? -- The three ages of eating - How our bodies really manage calories -- Why it isn't about sugar... -- ...or about exercise -- ...or about willpower -- How UPF hacks our brains -- III. Oh, so this is why I'm anxious and my belly aches! -- UPF is pre-chewed -- UPF smells funny -- UPF tastes odd -- Additive anxiety -- IV. But I already paid for this! -- Dysregulatory bodies -- UPF destroys traditional diets -- The true cost of Pringles -- V. What the hell am I supposed to do then? -- UPF is designed to overconsumed -- What we could ask governments to do -- What to do if you want to stop eating UPF.